The Outhouse by Stan

When I went to my 50th high school reunion I found out that one of my best friends in high school, Larry Sheriff, collected outhouses and pictures of outhouses. I thought, wow what a different hobby, I would never have thought of that. I have never really been enamored with outhouses. In fact, other than being a good joke subject, I have always been glad I did not have to use them. However, we all use them at major events where thousands of people are gathered. The worst part of those events is standing in line waiting for your turn to be grossed out. It is a take off on Russian roulette. You pray you get one that smells somewhat ok and doesn't have you know what all over the seat. Hopefully you can get in and get out in less time than you can hold your breath. In fact I usually begin training for outhouse usage at least 2 weeks before I go to a major sporting event. Every time I use my clean spic and span home bathroom, I hold my breath and practice getting in and out as fast as I can. Obviously my wife is sure I am completely off my rocker. I think I am only being prudent but she says I am over stating the issue. I do not think she remembers our soccer tournament days. She should because she is the reason we were there. She played soccer on tournament teams. We went to tournaments from San Diego to San Francisco and points east. Of course the relief spots were mostly the good old "outhouse". Now I have never personally seen this but I have been told that women do not plant their derrieres directly on the pot. They hover, and from the results I have seen, they must hover from about 30 feet. It is absolutely, "I have not the words to describe it". I do not think I have to because we have all witnessed it and "cor Blimey" smelled it. I once thought that I would be able to get rich if I invented a bombing device for women that was patterned after the bombing device that the Air force uses. After all, if bombers can hit a target from 5 miles above the earth then we should be able to create a device that would help a women from 12 inches (?). Now I realize that I am treading where no man should tread. After all we are the ones who are always under fire for our poor aim. That is exactly why I am making my point about the women.. Men are bad but women can be atrocious. There is another thing about outhouses that has always bothered me. A lot of them had two and sometimes three holes. I have always wondered about that. How did they determine who was to use it at the same time? Mom & dad, mom and daughter, Dad and daughter, or maybe son and daughter? Did they all have the urge at the same time or did one or the other hold it so they could have "quality time" together? It is a real mystery to me. Think about this. Why, if the two or three holers worked, didn't they put two or three commodes in a bathroom when they finally could move them indoors. I know I would have liked that. I grew up in a home with one bathroom and spent a lot of time crossing my legs, dancing and hollering for my sisters to hurry up and get of the "can". Larry, I defer all these issues to you. Maybe you can find the answers written on one of your outhouse walls. Do not get me wrong Larry, I think collecting outhouses is a fine hobby. Just do not collect any that have been at a women's soccer tournament.

Hiaku (hopefully) by Stan

Her eyes captured me and sent my heart to eternal rapture

Love is a tender moment like the wind whispering through the pines

Following Stans Example by Connie Wolf

First let me say, "Hi Paul", I see your name listed as a contributor. Looking forward to reading your contribution, no fair just lurking in the background! Bear with me here, I’ve never written poetry but today I decided to experiment with some “minimal” poems. I rather enjoyed it and that’s, after all, what this is all about. The Window Peeking through at trees and sky Sun and shadow, flower and vine Someone approaches, the shade is drawn Light Reflecting Off of brittle white snow Eye piercing, painful sight A Beauty too painful to behold Water Reflective liquid Tranquilizing Cooling Invigorating Warm steaming soothing comfort Salt Grains of white Bitterness alone Healing, enhancing within

Crossword Idiocity by stan

CROSSWORD IDIOCY Working a crossword stimulates the mind. Often the mind is stimulated in very weird directions This morning one of the clues was "pop up" and the answer was "arose". Since my toast pops up in the morning, it seems to me if toast pops up and pop up is arose, then my toast becomes a Rose, and the following poem was begat

Your Toast is arose! My Toast is a Rose? How can that be? I know my Rose is my girl friend and my future wife to be. And I know my Toast is my food and my future breakfast to be Then maybe If my Toast is really my Rose Then I could marry my Toast and never be hungry.

Hate by Stan

HATE To Hate is to feel The evil of the world growing in your heart

A Place to Start

Recently, in an effort to get the pen moving again, I made a list of "100 things I loved". It turned out to be easy and fun and I thought it might be a good place to start. Here's mine, looking forward to reading yours:

100 Things I Love Rain, big drops, the noisier the better Thunder Lightning Hydrangea bushes Hummingbirds Candlelight Service on Christmas Eve A tenor singing “Oh Holy Night” A choir singing “Were You There When They crucified my Lord?” Paper doily valentines The smell of the thick white paste we used in kindergarten Colored construction paper Fine stationery, either creamy and thick or thin and crinkly onion skin. Email from Elaina Pictures of my grandchildren My daughter’s laugh Shared confidences and coffee with a friend. One on one. Laughing with Elaine Falatico Playing penny slot machines with Sally Dark chocolate Any baby animal Christmas carolers Fields of wild flowers Clear skies with a view of snowy mountain tops A cooling breeze on a summer’s eve The oceans, the sound, smell, taste, and feel of them. Any small town I’ve never visited before A day of shopping by myself Libraries, familiar or unfamiliar. I love the quiet, the smell, the feel of the books in my hands. I love the almost reverent peace of being with people who read. Bookstores new or used. Cold winter nights, snug in my bed Sleeping through the night Tender dreams of yesterdays My Father’s eyes, I look for them in so many faces My husband’s tears and the privilege of his trust The color yellow Burnt popcorn Burnt toast Sesame seed bagel, toasted with cream cheese Memories of Christmas mornings with Jon and Erin Birthday cake My granddaughter’s hugs My grandson’s sense of humor Blowing bubbles Swimming alone in the evening (I know it’s dangerous, somehow that makes it even better) Guilty pleasure TV, like reality shows where I feel I come to know the contestants. Survivor and Kid Nation are two of my favorites. A bargain, two-for-one coupons, close-outs and sales racks, yard sales and flea markets, I love a bargain. Laughter: mine, yours, ours. My yellow Formica kitchen table Fast food and drive through windows Eating in my car while listening to an audio book, even better if it’s raining. The Mitford series by Jan Karon. The Lake Wobegon stories on Prairie Home Companion A room with a view A Dairy Queen vanilla cone Warm oatmeal raisin cookies with nuts My mother’s pies Butterflies Water Fountains A quail followed by a line of chicks Dolphins at sea The rock formations at Zion and Bryce Canyon National parks Someone to remember with My brother’s sardonic sense of humor, it feels like home. Memories of my first love Almost forgotten songs that remind me of times gone by Fiddler on the Roof, on film, on stage, the soundtrack, I love it, love it, love it. The way it feels when my husband trims my toenails for me. Having my head shampooed Chicken Picata An In-n-Out Double-Double when I’m really, really hungry Movies that I can get lost in; funny is good, romantic is better The early show, having a whole row of seats all to myself Meeting someone who “gets me” and likes me anyway. Finding a doctor, dentist, optometrist, plumber, salesman or accountant with a sense of humor. The American flag and our National Anthem Watching children perform the Christmas pageant. Shepherds in bathrobes blow me away. Winnie the Pooh and Piglet too Eyore because he feels like family. My husband’s flower garden with all it’s tumble of colors Coming home The way my house smells when I’m baking The fresh cut smell of Christmas trees Trimming my tree with old family ornaments Small treasures in the toes of Christmas stockings A mailbox full of Christmas cards My granddaughter falling to sleep in my arms My husband falling to sleep in my arms An empty laundry hamper Clean sheets A house full of happy guests that all go home early A whole day of shopping in Solvang, California or Fredericksburg, Texas or Snomish, Washington. First Trade Days in Canton, Texas A ride on the ferry from Vancouver, BC to Victoria Island Sitting on Dad’s back porch with old Mickey’s head on my knee Any Golden Retriever Some Cats The Reubenesque women of the 17th century, I would have been right in style. New shoes A really, really good haircut……….AND NUMBER 100 Anyone who enjoys reading my writing and takes the time to tell me so.

Welcome Tuesday with Amy Bloggers

This blog if for any fledgling writer that wants to be heard. I created this blog several weeks ago while fooling around on the net. I tried to create a new blog site and wanted to call it "Tuesdays with Amy", however the gods of the net refused my request. Why? who knows? Obviously I still need to learn about the world of netting. Anyway I figured the site I had already created would work. That is the reasn for the site name. Please feel free to write as much as you want and as many times as you want. Your post will be up for 2-4 weeks, depending on how much is written. Please take the time to read what others have posted and comment. Please no negative comments. If you feel someone is out of line, please say so, but in a positiive way. Feel free to write about anything that arouses you or better anything that interests you. Stan