PROCRASTINATION AND SALVATION

The last class was over and Amy rejuvenated me again. I was going to write during the class break. I had lots of ideas and lots of time. It was going to be easy. I would get up and write every morning just before my wife and I walked the dogs. Of course I didn't need to on the first morning because I needed that morning to put my thoughts together. It was Wednesday and I had plenty of time to get started. It is almost Christmas and I have still not written and I have not started the diet I was going start The guilt is staring to weigh heavy on my mind. I think about it almost constantly. Every where I go, I think..."I could write about that." But when I get home I've lost the idea. Maybe I should do what Amy suggests and carry a small notebook. I'll get one next time I am at the store. Christmas has come and gone and I have not written anything. Sunday after Christmas. I think I will read a while. Something technical. I will browse through Dr. Dean Edell's book on Medical problems. Here's something interesting. Older people do not need to lose weight unless they are heavily obese. In fact if one is not careful, it could do more harm than good. Wow, that is a relief. Boy am I glad I did not harm my body with a diet. I am not going to sweat the diet. I will just enjoy myself. That is great, I feel better already. But that does not solve my guilt about not writing. I really do need to write. We start class next week. I know. I'll go to Barns and Noble and look for some of the books that Amy suggested. Fabulous, they have "writing Down the Bones". I'll get that and use it to jump start my writing. What about my poetry? Amy said there was a magazine about writing and poetry. Maybe they have that. Wow, what a break. Here it is. "Poets and Writers" And a poetry book.."Poetry East". I will get them both. New Years Eve. I read the Poetry book.. Nuts..This is the kind of poetry that I do not like or maybe do not understand. Listen to this "Pied Beauty" by Gerard Manley Hopkins. GLORY be to God for dappled things For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim; Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls, finches' wings; Landscape plotted and pieced, fold, fallow and plough, And all trades, their gear and tackle and trim. All things counter, original, spare, strange, Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?) With swift, slow: sweet, sour; adazzle, dim; He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change. Praise him Now, what is that all about? I obviously need to be better read. Or do I? Yes I do and I need to read more Poetry. I will read more poetry later. I decided to read the Poets and Writers magazine. I found an interesting article titled "On not Writing" by Gabriel Cohen. Boy that sounded like me, I read that one. It really wasn't me. He is a writer, I am not. But I could Identify with the article. Cohen describes the different ways he decides not to write. He discusses his frustrations and his inability "to apply the proverbial seat of his pants to the chair". I found my salvation toward the end of his article with the following statement. He writes "I've finally come to realize that this period of not writing is not a problem, not some obstacle that keeps me from working. It is a necessary part of the writing process". I was saved. Actually twice saved. Not by a friend that said "do not worry about it", but first by a prominent Dr., telling me that since I am older I do not have to worry about a diet and second by an actual writer telling me that my procrastination is part of the writing process. Hallelujah........... Maybe I can sleep tonight and face Amy in the first class without feeling guilty. But...... then I decided to read "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg and she made me feel guilty again. It only took three chapters and I started to write. I wrote this piece. Good or bad, ..........................Thank you Natalie. p.s - Natalie Goldberg's favorite Poem as she states later in the book is "God's Grandeur" by none other than Gerard Manley Hopkins and it is right across the page from "Pied Beauty". I found it incredible that I would pick a Poetry book with her favorite poem and then make light of the poetry. I really do need to learn more about poetry.