UTAH STATE PRISON

The feeling is really very hard to describe. It was a feeling of despair, fear, utter loneliness and a coldness that was colder than the snow storm we had driven through to get there. My stomach felt empty and I thought I was going to throw up. My stomach churned and rolled. My head swam and spun . I wanted to run. I was sure I was going to throw up. I thanked God that I would not have to stay in there The doors opened into an office looking area. There was a tall chest high desk on the right with several prison officials doing various jobs on the other side. The officer that let us in directed us towards the rear of the room where there was a large steel gate with two officers on the other side. Jest before the gate there was a small waist high desk where one officer checked us in We were searched and photographed and had to sign some paper work before we could go beyond the steel gate. Once we were checked in the guard opened the steel gate and let us in. The gate slammed with great clang that announced "no one leaves". A chill ran down my spine. I wanted to leave right then but I couldn't. We were ushered down a long corridor by one of the guards. We came up to another door, solid steel, with a small barred window in the upper center. The guard on the other side of the door asked for our passes and our guard handed them to him. He checked the passes one by one and we were allowed into another room. Once again the big steel door slammed behind us and it seemed even louder and more sinister than the last one. The new guard led us down a long hall that led to an exercise yard. Once again there was a steel door but this one was even thicker and there was not a window in the door. The guard pushed a buzzer and a voice came over the inner com, "yes who have we got here'? It's the basketball team. Everything in order? Yes, I have twelve men here with passes. OK, just a minute. The large door opened up into a large empty courtyard. We were escorted across the yard by two more guards to an indoor social area and the gymnasium. Again there was a steel door that had to be opened and we had to once again be checked. Passes against faces. Once inside we were among the prisoners. Most of them were setting at tables playing cards with match sticks. We were escorted by two guards at all times. The prisoners were friendly. Most of them waved and smiled. The ones we came close to smiled and said hello to us. We even new a couple of them. Jerry Anderson who was four years older than me ( I was 17). He was doing five years for writing bad checks. The other one I knew was my neighbors dad. I had met him a couple times when he was home between being convicted of robbery or burglary. He was now a lifer and he told me that night that he was institutionalized and did not want to get out. He asked me to tell his son, Greg that he was happier there. Greg hated him and would not talk to him or read his letters. Years later, I thought about him when I saw "Shawshank Redemption" and Brooks Hatlin, an institutionalized prisoner played by James Whitmore, hanged himself after being paroled. We were escorted into the gymnasium where we were to play the prison basketball team. This was my first year going to the prison to play a game. The other guys on the team had been there before. We were there on a program that rewarded the prisoners for good behavior. We were treated very well by both the prisoners and the guards. In fact they made us feel special because we would come in there to play ball. We had to wear our uniforms under our clothes and we were not allowed to changed or shower. That was fine with me because I was happy to get out of there as fast as I could. I went again the following year when I was eighteen. I do not remember whether we won or lost the games that I played there but I do remember the big steel doors and the feelings I had when they slammed shut behind me. It was an experience that burned one message into my brain. Do not ever commit a crime that puts you into a place like that. One final note. The next year after my last trip, they had a prison riot and the basketball team that was there was held hostage. In the end nobody on the team got hurt, but that canceled the program forever.