I met Stan at a meeting for divorced fathers. We were all lost and looking for answers in our lives. We were a small group of men whose wives had left them for another man. We met once a week to tell each other our stories. It was an informal group. It was started by two friends. One of them knew another guy with the same problem and he was invited and so on until our group had reached 10. It was a healing group. It was important for each guy to learn that he was not alone. It was important for each man to learn that he was not a failure. It was important for each man to learn his feelings and sorrows were shared by others.
Stan used to joke about growing ripe. He would say, “Did you know that people are supposed to ripen as they grow older,” “They are supposed to get smarter with age.” “Isn’t that a joke?” “Don’t you think ripen is really a stupid word.”
At one meeting Stan said, “One never knows whether they are getting riper with wisdom or whether they have turned the corner and are past the ripe stage and they are beginning to get a little over ripe and are getting rotten.”
I don’t know why but the word seemed to have a special meaning to Stan. He could not let it go of it. Stan and I became friends. We would stop for coffee and talk after the meeting. His conversation would always get back to his ripening. After a while it got a little old and even a little weird.
I remember that he could not separate the connotation of the word, the meaning of the word and the actual correct usage of the word. Once he said, “As we get older we have to ripen at least a little bit. But getting riper or older also means that some of the facilities we are given to function with begin to falter. The mind gets a little forgetful. The ears lose the ability to hear. The eyes begin to dim a little and finally the olfactory senses do not function as well as they should.”
The next week he had some more thoughts to offer on ripening. This time he didn’t say it particularly anyone. He just started talking, “I am alive. I have lived and since I have lived I have to believe that I have ripened. The question is in what way have I ripened?”
I said, “What the hell are you talking about”? He just kept rambling on, “I have heard it said that we all go over fool’s hill and when we have gone over the top is when we start to ripen with knowledge. As we zoom down the other side of the hill we get smarter and smarter. At least that is the way it is supposed to work. Sometimes I wonder if all I ever got was a fool’s cap at the top and a speeding ticket on the way to the bottom.”
I said, “Will you knock it off”? “No”, Stan continued. “Listen to this” “We all ripen a little with each experience we encounter. Our failed marriages are an example. Can’t you feel yourself ripening?” “I can”,
Stan said. “I can feel my body ripening. But it is not ripening with wisdom, it is ripening with hate.”
“Stan”, I said. “Do you need to see a shrink?” “Are you going to do something stupid?”
Stan was silent for a long time but finally he said, “No, I’m OK but I think it is important to know what and why you are feeling something.” “It is important to analyze your feelings and understand them.” “It is important to me to ripen properly and not go rotten from the inside out.” “It was important for me to get that out into the open.” “Talking about my hatred has softened that hatred. I want to thank you for putting up with my ranting and babbling”
Stan got up to leave and said, “I am going to be all right. I understand that I have ripened a little. I understand that I have ripened with knowledge and that I will not be consumed by hatred”. “See you next week”, he smiled and walked out the door.
I never saw Stan again. I guess he did not need us anymore.
Nicely done.
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