Promises to Keep

Mark Twain said, “New Years Day is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual”.

I felt I circumvented that eventuality with last week’s declaration that this would be the year of no resolutions. Very clever, I thought, but here I sit with no resolutions to break and it just doesn’t feel right. I am fairly itching to make a list. Why not make a list of what I resolve not to do this year. I’m so much better at not doing things. Inertia is my constant companion.

1.I will not pierce my nose, tongue, belly button, eyebrow or God forbid my    nipple.
2. I will not drive the L.A. freeways in a Smart Car. It’s just not smart.
3. I will not go clubbing with Paris Hilton or Lindsey Lohan, not this year!
4. I will not volunteer to chair any committee, not going to happen!
5. I will not freeze my face with Botox.
6. I will not attempt rock climbing, hang gliding or bungee jumping.
7. I will not stop by Victoria Secrets to see if they have stocked my size yet.
8. I will not join the Red Hat Society, I’d rather have my teeth drilled without   Novocain and that’s not going to happen either.
9. I will not belly up to a sushi bar or eat tofu in my burger.
10. I will not pose for Playboy.
11. I will not take lessons in tap dancing, juggling, or playing the Kazoo.
12. I will not adopt an ostrich, a llama, or a kangaroo.

There that is twelve resolutions one for each month of the year, committed to paper and promised with steely resolve. I can now move on, venturing into 2011 with confidence and spot on tenacity.

This year I WILL succeed!