Rhetoric Schmetoric

I once tried to improve my writing by going to a writing work shop. I signed up for the following class. Writing 666 The Devil's work shop. Why are you here? I want to learn how to write. Good, show me your Allusion, Alliteration, Amplification, Anacoluthon, Anadiplosis, and Analogy I do not want to be a magician, I want to write. OK, Show me some Anaphora, Antanagoge, Antimetabole, Antiphrasis, Antithesis, and Apophasis I do not like scrabble, I only want to write. Yes but I need to see something in Aporoia, Aposiopesis, Apostrophe, Appositive, Assonance, and Asendeton Trivia is a game for nerds, I am serious about writing. If you are serious at least demonstrate Catachresis, Chiasmus, Climax, Conduplicatio, Diacope, and Dirimens Copulatio I may be able to do something with Climax and Copulatio, they both sound familiar. Do not be crude, to write you need be able to Distinctio, Enthymeme, Enumeratio, Epanalepsis, Epistrophe, and Epithet But these, whatever they are, are not even in spell check Spell Check? If you want to write your readers must hear Epizeuxis, Eponym, Exemplum, Expletive, Hyperbaton, and Hyperbole I just want to write simple prose without foul language Yes, but to write Prose, even simply, you must Hypophora, Hypotaxis, Litotes, Metabasis, Metanioia,and Metaphor I know metaphor. I'll Metaphor That is to simple, good writing requires Metonymy, Onomatopoeia, Oxymoron, Parallelism, Parataxis, and Personification, Now were getting somewhere. I can Personify an Oxymoron Parallelism and California has taught me about Parataxis Do not be trite. In this class we require Paranthesis, Pleonasm, Polesyndeton, Procatalepsis, Rhetorical Question, and Scesis Onomation Now you are getting trite. You cannot be serious...Scesis Onomation? Your are, of course, joking. Do not get smart with me you little imp. If you want me to help you, come up with some Sententia, Simile, Simploce, Synecdoche, Understatement, and Zeugma I've got a great Understatement for you Good, let me hear it. You can take your class and your rhetoric and go straight back down to hell. sbeatty/april 2009