This is a poem I wrote in class on Tuesday. Amy said I was very dismissive of my work so I took it home. Read it over. Corrected the spelling. Typed it up and decided to post it here. If I'm going to be dismissed it's not going to be by me!
First Moment
The first moment I was aware of you
Was a Surprise and an affront
“Liar” you said and my head whipped around.
The first moment I saw you
I fell into your eyes
Large liquid brown eyes
That belied your taunting voice
That hinted of a vulnerability
Your mocking crooked grin couldn’t hide.
My dance partner was ignored as I bantered back,
“Am Not” I retorted.
“Are too” you answered.
You danced your partner even closer.
I was wearing a carefully ironed yellow cotton sundress
You wore stained and worn knee length shorts and
A tee shirt that may have once been white.
I wore white sandals carefully polished
Your feet were bare.
I was embarrassed and my flushed cheeks
Told the tale
You were brash with darting eyes and
Rapid fire retorts.
nor I, I loved this in class and loved it here. Your writing is someting special and I think Amy is telling you that you're writing is better than you think. Believe in yourself because you have a special way with words.
ReplyDeleteYou have real talent, Connie. This piece captures the moment with precision. Character comes through. Personality comes through. Emotion comes through. Love it.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't feel finished - Is there perhaps one more line that is waiting to be part of this memory? One line that simply tells us what happens - might be an interesting challenge to sum it up in one line. (Just a suggestion.) Glad you didn't dismiss this! Too good.