Perils of a 20th Century Gal in a Techno World

by Connie Wolf My husband, the gadget guru, says I’m technologically challenged, well “Duh!” Even he, the die-hard fan of bells and whistles, admits that perhaps, in some situations, modern technology has gone too far. Yesterday we ventured out into a brave new world; we went shopping for a new laptop computer. We decided to visit South Coast Plaza because amid the Rolex, Gucci, and Versace there is a Sony store and an Apple store where Jon could get all his questions answered by the experts, all of which were young enough to be our grandchildren.

Have you been in that mall lately? The place is enormous! We took careful note of where we left the car and ventured in. Unable to find a store directory, we wandered in wide eyed wonder until we found a uniformed security guard who pointed us in the right direction. Jon entered the Sony store with a glowing rapt expression on his face; I left him giddily pushing buttons with a sales rep at his side. I was off in search of a restroom. I found the sign pointing the way and following the long hall until I came to the door marked, “Women” and stopped short when I read the sign that said, “Wave at the door to open”. I looked over my right shoulder and then my left, no one around. I looked up to see if there was any sign of a hidden camera. Just as I was trying to decide if a one-handed or two-handed wave was in order, and whether it should be a horizontal or a vertical wave, I was saved from my indecision by someone exiting the restroom. I slipped in as they slipped out, problem solved.

What do you think of these modern, all electronic restrooms? Personally, I’m convinced they were invented by evil mad scientists who are determined to confound and embarrass me. I prefer to flush my own toilet, thank you. The bottom line is I am not going to walk out of that stall until it’s flushed. This usually involves waving my hands around in front of the sensor or even sometimes pressing my body to the side of the booth trying to trick the mechanism into thinking I’m gone, whatever it takes, I am there for the duration. When that mission is finally accomplished I still have the daunting task of washing my hands before me. This entails a lot more hand waving to get the auto sensor to spit a little water on me. As I’m madly waving my arms around the person next to me simply walks up to the faucet, holds her hands under a spigot that releases a nice steady stream. What is that about? My faucet turns off while my hands are still full of soap causing me to wave again, spattering soap on the mirror, counter and the front of my blouse. Giving up, I decide to just wipe my hands on a paper towel and then wipe up my mess and get out of there. This is going to take a bit more than the tiny square of paper dispensed by the automatic towel machine so a line forms behind me as I wave my hands again and again in front of yet another demonic sensor.

Finally, I return to the computer store where Jon still stands with the sales rep. He no longer looks so joyful, his eyes are glazed over and a frown has formed between them. He turns to me and says, “There is so much to consider, the screen resolution, the speed, the storage capacity, the video card, the CD ROM, the battery life. What do you think?” he asks. “I like the blue one” I say “It matches your eyes”.